Pronouns OMG

[lytwriter]

So I'm trying to write my first F/F story, and the pronouns are killing me. I'm not a fan of epithets, and strings of names are just clunky, but the constant string of the same pronouns in close scenes is driving me crazy.

I have an 11,500 word story I realized wasn't working in second person present, so yesterday was spent doing a quick conversion to third person present. "You" went to "she" and "her", and OMG the pronouns. It'll be worth the trouble once I fix the problems -- the language is much tighter and crisper, barring the pronoun problem, but OMG. She her her she her her who the hell is doing what?

How do the rest of you handle the pronoun issue in same sex relationship stories?

Comments

[tielan]

I handle it very carefully! And I don't write much same-sex stuff. :D

[lytwriter]

Yeah, that's what I'm gathering. This is going to take so many editing sessions until I get the hang of it.

[aquila1nz]

The bad way is way too many epithets, I think the same pronoun things is why there are still sooo many "the blonde surgeon kissed the brunette."

Names are good, you can use them more than you think.

Other than that, find some stories that do it well and break it down. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

[lytwriter]

Yeah, I tried a few epithets, and the result was horrifying. I'm sticking with names for now. I think I'm going to do a post asking for recs.

[havocthecat]

Names. Lots and lots of names. And just being very careful with that one English grammar rule of a pronoun referring to the last noun used. They feel awkward while writing; they are invisible to the reader.

I hate epithets, they throw me out of a work.

So like. For my friend, I'm writing one of the rarest of rare SGA/SG1 crossover pairings, but it's our rare pairing, so, and the entire thing is just lots of names. I will give you an example from my WIP that's my break from serious orig fic. (Fair warning, I have one slightly non-canonical nickname, but it's a personal thing in between the two of us, I cannot stress that enough, we've spent, uh, a couple decades developing our personal headcanon here?)

Elizabeth arched her back, almost without her conscious mind involved. She was too far from Janet, she needed too much, and was too, too close to a mind-shattering orgasm. Janet was gentle, stilling her fingers, looking up through her eyelashes at Elizabeth with that same wicked smile that made her weak-kneed when they were eighteen.

"Janet, I want--" Elizabeth went from smooth diplomat to fumbling, desperate and wanting with Janet's fingers filling her, Janet's mouth on her, but not moving. Elizabeth tried to take control, to arch her hips and insist that Janet give her everything she needed, but no, as soon as Elizabeth moved again, Janet pulled back and pressed her free hand on Elizabeth's stomach, holding her in place.

Janet pulled her fingers out and Elizabeth whimpered, as Janet slid the pads of her fingertips along Elizabeth's entrance, dragging them through slick, wet heat and shorting out Elizabeth's brain. Fire danced along her nerves.

"Don't move, Liz. Just wait for me." Janet's voice was low and sultry, and her breath fluttered along Elizabeth's clit. It was almost too much. It wasn't enough.

She wanted. She ached. Elizabeth was nothing but need and desire and Janet was playing her body like a finely-tuned instrument, with every muscle trembling in anticipation. "Janet, damn you," muttered Elizabeth.

[lytwriter]

Oh, that's so cool. I never considered Elizabeth/Janet but I love it. Headcanons are great. I actually read noncanon relationships more often than canon because... I don't know why. If it's canon, I need less fic?

Second, yes, that really helps. The names aren't awkward at all here, and there's no confusion re: pronouns. Very close second person perspective. I'll be looking this over repeatedly as I write.

Very honored you shared this with me. I look forward to reading the whole thing!

[havocthecat]

There are...like two or three Elizabeth/Janet stories out there that neither of us wrote, and most of what we've written hasn't made it out of the drawerfic stage, tbh. But we love it!)

So can you tell me what you mean by tight second person POV because that's traditionally what I think of as a tight third person POV? But I am glad it helps!

The whole thing might take forever to get posted, to be fair, it's a-- Oh, God, it's not going to be almost anyone's cup of tea. But here's hoping my usual audience of "half a dozen niche readers who might enjoy that weird shit I write" will enjoy it!

[lytwriter]

LOL I meant third person. I haven't slept well in... years, literally, and this story I'm working on started in second person and I'm still finding oopsies where it's not third person. Five hours of sleep these days is heavenly and rare. So there's lots of typos and I type second person and third person interchangeably, LOL. OOPS. I do know the difference.

[havocthecat]

There could have been something I didn't know! I could have made a mistake! NBD. All good!